I miss the summer. I miss the staff. I miss being surrounded by Christians who were strong in their faith but still weren't afraid to admit their struggles. I miss our boss accosting us about our devotions, joking but also serious. I miss the end of Wednesday night talent shows, I miss hug lines, I miss those moments right before chapel started when the kids were watching us sing, dance, goof off. I miss "I'm Leaving on a Jet Plane." I miss shaving cream fights, bag pipes, Braveheart. I miss the intimacy--with kids, with the staff, with God.
It was so much easier then; the pressure, the heart-pounding need to get in the Word just so I could make it through the day... it's not as urgent now. It should be frantic, a desperate thirst. Now when I'm not surrounded by Christian friends, not required to lead. This summer, I felt so close to God, because he was breaking me, over and over, breaking me and building me back up. Now, His presense is still with me, but before... it was easier then.
This summer, I was challenged, and nearly drained--physically, emotionally, and spiritually. There were a few nights when I cried myself to sleep just from sheer physical and emotional exhaustion. But I clung to Christ during those weeks, needed him desperately.
Now, my days are shorter, slower, quieter. I'm not challenged physically, emotionally, or spiritually, so its so easy to slip into a fatal misconception of self-reliance. It's a daily battle for me.
I won't be back at camp for the summer of 2008. I'm going abroad to study in Ireland. The weeks are painfully close-- I would only miss one or two weeks of camp. But I know how crucial those first weeks are. I plan on visiting when I can, coming up to help set up for 2.0 week. I'll miss it terribly, but I know that this trip is an opportunity that God showed to me. I can't pass it up.
I content myself only by hoping to return for the summer of 2009.